I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am puke
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
