i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All the doctor said was why
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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