At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
