Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
