He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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