Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
