I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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