Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
