I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
