"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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