listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize