I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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