They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
