none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
