We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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