My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
