you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
