If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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