mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
