You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
