I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
