I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
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