i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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