You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
