you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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