Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
