You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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