I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
