do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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