Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
