Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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