Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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