I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
