would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
