Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
