I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
