I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
