ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
