The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
