How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
