i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
