my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
