So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
