omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
