Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
