I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
