What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
