guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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