We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
