We're like a lot better than the average bears
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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