dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
birth control should be required to get into college
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
