An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm at about main and main street
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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