I'm gonna have a badass scar
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
