We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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