I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
