his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
