If i could tip my vagina, i would.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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