the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
