I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
