in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
