He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
