OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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