So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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