Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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