There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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