Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
