the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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