sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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