Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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