im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
