I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
