He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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