Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
