I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
