your room smells of hookers.
And success
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize