I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
