So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
